Fig: "Ailing Lungs, Drooping Heart" - I made this piece when my mother was bedridden because of the disease of the lungs
We live in a cyclic world with the cycles of birth and death around us all the time. It always seems like the process of life is moving towards infinity, only to end up in a zero. Funny but realistic, this is how life is. It is a number line which starts at one point and ends in another, only to be a starting point for another number line. Quite an analogy to the “Jeevan Maran” chakra of Hindu philosophy.
My mother had a life full of enormous struggle and hardships. She had a life where she had to prove belongingness to society every day. She had to prove her identity and her existence in her social circle by being available all the time. But even after this, she was largely the architect of her number line of life.
Born in Rangoon in a Marwadi novelty, her family had to forgo all their wealth and immigrate to India during the 1962 Myanmar coup. The family having their roots in Rajasthan had a lot of connections all over India and they moved to different parts of India. With a gradual decline in financial status, her family moved from Kolkata to Ranchi for business where she spent most of her life.
She was an ardent movie fan and made it a point to watch as many during her teenage years and later until she was bedridden. Probably, I got that movie “keeda” from her which still runs deep. Oh! I remember one of her episodes of Delirium, when she was not able to recognize anyone at home and had a temporary memory loss. I showed her clips from a few old Hindi movies which she was able to recognize immediately. Her love for movies was fascinating. She could recognize any old movie just by their clips.
She was an immaculate cook, a soulful Bhajan singer and a hardworking woman. She always taught me that a man should learn everything which a woman can do. I learnt those too during the course of my life with her. A social personality with a lot of connections, she spread happiness with her smile.
Like all beings, she also made choices which defined the course of her life which made large troughs in her number line of life. That being said, it was her life and she took the responsibility for it. The good part is that before leaving this realm, she did closure on all her qualms and made peace with her past.
She left us after more than a year of suffering because of prolonged lung disease leaving a subtle void in our lives which will always be etched in my mind as long as we see the shape of Rabbit on the moon. She was my Goddess, I could sacrifice my life for her. But I guess she bargained better with the Gods.
Now her suffering has ended and she is at peace. She is with “Ma Kali” and I hope her number line doesn’t have another starting point. Thank you Ma for teaching me throughout my life, taking care of me and being what you were. I will always celebrate your life and have learnt from it in ways which made me a better person.
Anand Bora
